spam

I received a spam email today. Now probably the best thing to do is just delete it. But when I have I never done what’s best? I enjoy replying to them. Its fun to see how many replies I can get out of them before they just give up on me. What can I say I’m easily amused.

Today email was from a friendly son of an African diamond merchant. It seems his father died in a tragic accident and he was now living in a refugee camp. But all hope was not lost as he went on to say that his father had over 2 million is diamonds in the USA. And he would need my help in accessing them! At least this is what I think he was saying…its was hard to translate with no periods, no paragraphs, misspellings, and grammar errors. Now I know my grammar and spelling is bad…people in glass houses and all that. So when even I notice it…you know its bad!

Because I was feeling in a charitable mood I offered to help the poor young lad with his troubles. Here is my reply.

Dear Daniel,

I was very saddened to hear about the passing of your father. Also about the unfortunate circumstances you now face. Times are tough all over the world but in Africa I hear they are worse. I am glad to hear that people in refugee camps are still able to get Internet access! As I’m sure free internet access is a basic human rights issue covered in the UN charter. If they also offer free wifi you should check out apples new iPhone. I have one its really nice. That touch screen is one of the best inventions ever! Although you might have to wait until you receive the benefits of your fathers estate. Because it sounds like your a little short on cash at the moment. I think that’s were I can be of assistance…

I would love to help you out in collecting the monies due you. But I would need some assurances first. I saw that movie staring Leonardo DiCaprio about the African diamonds. It was a very intense and well acted movie. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend you rent a copy from netflix (you can rent them over the internet…do you also have a flat panel TV in the camp?!). But it hilighted a very important topic in your area of the world. The diamond trade. I would like your assurances that none of the diamonds in your late fathers consignment are not these so called “blood diamonds.”

Also I am a very busy person who leads an active life. I’m working on breaking into Hollywood movies. And between waiting tables, learning new lines/parts, and working out (I want to be in action films!). I have very little spare time on my hands for a charity case. However if you could see to it that I would receive some compensation for my time I’m sure we could come to an arrangement. Say one million American dollars…I’m not sure the 500,000 you offered in your email will cover my “expenses.” It would go a long way to helping jump-start my Hollywood career. Also I’d be sure to dedicate my first film in the name of your late father!

Please think about it!

Joseph Brown

Now I don’t really expect a reply from this one. But I couldn’t resist calling him out on the refugee camp Internet access part of his scam/email.